Sorrow of Sacrifice
by Tonz82
Summary: Vegeta has just sacrificed himself fighting Buu. This story is told from Bulma's point of view as to how she dealt with the death of the one man that she loved like no other.


**Sorrow of Sacrifice**

By Tonz82

Beta Read by Wing Zero

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or any of its characters. I have merely borrowed them for my story. 

**_'Bold Italic'_**_ words are Bulma's thoughts_

_'Italic' words are memories_

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_Pride can stand a thousand trials_

_The strong will never fall,_

_But watching stars without you,_

_My soul cried. Heaving heart is full of pain,_

_Oh, oh, the aching._

_'Cos I'm kissing you, oh._

_I'm kissing you, oh._

_Touch me deep, pure and true._

_Gift to me forever._

_'Cos I'm kissing you, oh._

_I'm kissing you._

_Where are you now?_

_Where are you now?_

_'Cos I'm, oh I'm kissing you._

_I'm, kissing you, oh, ohhhh!_

**___________________________**

Travelling slowly through a night sky filled with twinkling stars and misty clouds a woman's voice is heard...

"Have you ever felt your breath suddenly leave your body without warning? Or felt your muscles weaken so much that everything just slipped out from under you? Then somehow having descended to the ground, you look around not knowing how you got there. Not understanding the shock, just knowing a pain in your heart unlike any other that you've _ever_ felt.

This pain is what makes your heart hurt and almost stills your breath forever.

This pain is what it feels like when apart of your soul dies… with the one you love."

*~*~*~*~*~*

_On a plane with the rest of the z-gang in search of the dragon balls, a mournful cry almost inaudible to all others escaped the lips of a woman. _

_   "Oh, god. Oh, god, oh god..." she murmured in breathy gasps. Her lips trembled as she struggled to remain in control. She clenched one hand into a tight fist in an attempt to will herself to calm down, while using the other to muffle her cries. Unfortunately, she did not possess the emotional strength to keep the overflowing dam in her heart from exploding. Her gasping heaves of overwhelming panic turned in weeping sobs that shook her entire being._

**_   I turned away from her wanting to pretend that I didn't know the reason why she was saying these same words over and over again. Instead, I wanted to be a spectator like everyone else surrounding her. I wanted to pretend that I had not been this woman who was currently undergoing an irreversible transformation. Meanwhile, the same surrounding people rushed to her aid not understanding the cause of her pain. She, herself, didn't even know._**

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**_ Not yet anyway._**

**_   As I continued to relive this moment in time, I gazed intensely at this woman. She was my mirror image incarnate. The scarlet fabric of her summer dress hugged tightly around her slender and shapely body. Her hair and eyes were the same lustrous aquamarine blue color. The sapphire silken strands that brushed against her face were cut short in a stylish fashionable way. The lively azure beacons of sight that had once sparkled with life now slowly dimmed as if the flames that lit them were dying. Her skin creamy and fair still looked as soft as rose petals to the touch, but had paled from the abrupt pang in her heart. _**

**_   She looked exactly like me in every way, but still I knew we were not one and the same. She was not yet completely me, but in a few moments she would be. I watched her already knowing every single thing that she would do next. I knew everything that she would say and knew every movement that her body would make._**

_   Still gasping for air, she collapsed to her knees using her hands to catch her fall. The tips of her fingers reached up toward her temples and then slowly her hands slid down her face. Her trembling arms wrapped around her waist at just the same time she began to_ _rock back and forth. The voices surrounding her spoke to her in a language that she no longer seemed able to comprehend. Everything seemed surreal and dreamy as it swirled around making her dizzy. She closed her eyes hoping that if she wished hard enough then the nightmarish illusion before her would disappear. A burning heat rose in her face and watery tears blurred her vision as she looked around at her surroundings again to find that nothing had changed. _

**_  I watched her as she began to shake her head denying the reason for the emotions that she was feeling, but the cause and answer were now unavoidable. Then just like the unrelenting emotions that had suddenly began plaguing her mind, but in a physical sense, two hands reached out grabbing her shoulders and shook her roughly. The disorientation caused by the sudden shock of overwhelming emotional pain and sadness dissipated, forcing her to open her eyes and face the truth._**

_"Bulma! Bulma what's wrong! Look at me! Open your eyes Bulma!"_

**_  And I did. I opened my eyes and I saw Chi-Chi's panic stricken face. She looked slightly relieved by my responsive reaction, but still very much upset. Her hands remained closed around my shoulders from her sitting position on the floor in front of me. Somehow during this memory my twin and I had become one. I was no longer watching everything happen from the outside in. We were now one person._**

_"For god sakes, what's wrong," Chi-Chi asked me. Her onyx eyes searched my pained face frantically for the answer._

_"He's gone," I whispered softly barely able to speak._

_"Who's gone?" Chi-Chi asked. The worry lines in her forehead began to appear again_ _from her confusion. _

_"Vegeta," I wept._

_"What do you mean?" she questioned. _

_I didn't answer her immediately because I was still trying to hold back the sobs that were racking my body. _

_"How do you know this?" she said asking again but in a much more gentle voice. _

_"I feel it in here," I said bringing up a hand to rest on my chest. "I feel it in my heart. The part of him that was mine…The part that we shared… it's gone... It's just gone."_

_My friend's eyes filled with tears from the pain my sorrow was causing her. She understood the grief that I felt because she had felt it herself many times before. Her arms closed around my body in a tight embrace and all I remembered was her letting me cry into her shoulder._

**_This was how the birth of my new self occurred. _**

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**_Or should I say my present self and who I am now. _**

*~*~*~*~*~*

   Slowly the vivid memory that had clouded my vision and mind disappeared. My eyes refocused on the night stars above me. I could feel hot tears, which I no longer had the strength to hold back, slide down my cheeks. The answers to many questions run through my head - questions that I never thought that I would ask myself. 

   Is it possible to have a bond with another person so strong that when it's ripped away you are left only with a lingering hollow, emptiness? I know without a doubt that this is true… because its what I feel now. A whistling wind blows through the hole in my heart, constantly reminding me of my devastating loss. Constantly reminding me of the difference between my former self and who I am at this very moment - of what I had and now what I don't. 

   The happiness that I felt in the past has now been replaced with grief. It tells me that I am alone, but not in the way that you may think though. My friends surround me. They are here and together they share in my pain as I have shared in theirs before. And I am grateful and know that this alone should comfort me… but instead I feel numb. I can't help but wonder if there will ever come a time when I will be able to live with this never-ending hurt? 

   Looking at the large building behind me here at Dende's place, not a single light shines from the windows of its rooms. It's late and everyone has gone to sleep. Although after today I am sure no one is really sleeping. They are contemplating the earlier events and wondering how everything that had been so right could have suddenly become so horrible. I, on the other hand, couldn't bear to think about what was taking place on the earth right now or even begin to think about what the Buu monster was doing at this very moment.

   I grabbed my chest again just as I had done earlier today. My heart still throbbed and ached with every beat. The pain of loss I feel is not only my own, but it's from knowing the pain that Vegeta felt in his last moments of life. Just before our bond was stripped away it had grown strong with such an intensity that our thoughts became one. Everything that he felt or thought in those last few seconds of his life I knew and felt myself.

   I shivered and wrapped my arms around my body for warmth as a cool breeze blew past me. Closing my eyes a brilliant light overtook my sight, filling it with another vision that I would never forget.

*~*~*~*~*~*

_   A hot wind blew over two beings standing motionless in the middle of a desolate desert. A deadly silence hung between them only to be interrupted by the howling of a zephyr. The flaming gold hair of a man short in stature but strong in body, swayed back in forth. His green eyes stared ahead at his opponent who was standing only a few feet away in front of him. A thick, cloud of dust passed between them that did nothing to cause their locked eyes to break. The hard, cold glare cast from his gaze was unblinking…proud…and fearless. If anything it seemed to dare some kind of action from the other being._

_   Crimson blood from the many wounds on his face and forehead trickled down his skin and into his eyes. He made no attempts to wipe them away clean nor acknowledge the painful injuries located in various areas all over his body. The navy blue spandex clinging to his skin hung in tattered pieces from fierce battle. Thick powerful muscles underneath the material bulged with tension, ready to spring into action. _

_   Tracing along the horizontal path of his stare, a bulky and pudgy pink creature dressed in baggy white shorts and boots stood tall. His long cape flapped roughly in the oncoming wind. Narrow slit eyes that looked closed were accompanied by a deep, set frown on his face. Unlike Vegeta, his rubbery pink skin was unmarred with injuries from their vicious fighting. Instead his shone and reflected sunlight with a glossy sheen. His yellow gloved fists by his sides were clenched ready to plunge forward. The abrupt sound a malicious smirk came out his mouth in the jarring form of a childish voice. _

_*~*~*~*~*~*_

**_   His laughter leaves me frightened and unsettled, chilling my soul. In a disturbing fashion, the creature uses false innocence and the mask of a childish demeanor to hide the black evil gleaming behind its eyes. I look at him and can only wonder what sick person could have created such a horrible monstrosity. _**

**_   Surprisingly, Vegeta is not bothered by this and for the life of me I can only gaze back at his resolve in amazement. In my awestruck state, I feel an overwhelming surge of pride and love flood through my body. It is in this very moment that I am reminded of why I fell in love with my prince. His courage gives me strength and melts away the icy fear freezing my body. _**

_*~*~*~*~*~*_

_   With standoff drawing more closely to an end Vegeta's thoughts wander back to the safety of his family. All concerns about his own doomed fate have long since exited his mind. Piccolo had been more than clear in explaining what sort of treatment he could expect waiting for him in the otherworld. For the horrendous past deeds in his life, his punishment would result in having all of his memories erased and thus his very existence. _

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**_   My heart shattered as I grasped the weight of this judgement. So ready was I to sink further into despair, when suddenly I noticed the look on my husband's face. It made me stop and continue to listen to the thoughts echoing through his mind. _**

_*~*~*~*~*~*_

_   Despite knowing his bleak future, Vegeta accepted his fate calmly and unafraid. Images of his wife and his son's smiling faces brought a soothing warmth to his heart that only they could bring. He gladly was ready to give his life if it meant that they would live on. His only regret was that they would go on with out him…just when he had finally become aware of how much he loved them. _

_   Taking in a deep breath, he spoke softly, just loud enough for his own ears. Regret and sadness were laced through his words. _

_"Bulma…Trunks… I do this only for you both."_

_   Then raising a gloved fist to his waist, a sphere of swirling golden energy circled around him. He stood nobly with his head held high. The bright light crackled around his body, growing and spreading into the land. He points and speaks to Buu threateningly. Then in great concentration he gathers all of his energy, releasing it in one massive explosion. The ground shakes violently causing fissures to crack and splinter forward. The light grows more brilliantly until finally his body erupts with a blast that can be seen and felt for miles. Above all the earth-shattering noise, Vegeta calls out his last attack in one last roar. _

_"Final Flash!"_

*~*~*~*~*~*

   At that exact instance the warmth of the light swirled all around me. Hot like fire I remembered his love and passion. I could even feel the touch of his skin against my own. It lingered with searing heat. His thoughts pressed against my mind and slowly penetrated. He knew my sadness and instantly I felt comfort wash over me. Then like his arms the gentle wind wrapped around me, embracing my body with invisible limbs. The rugged and spicy fragrant scent that I knew was his filled my nostrils. 

   My eyes shot open in surprise as I felt something soft and warm brush across my lips. Nothing was there except the darkness of night and only the same warm breeze encircling me. I felt it comb through my hair and then murmur through my ears. Tears trailed from my eyes, but with a tenderness like that of human touch I could feel the wetness wipe away from my cheeks. Slowly the breeze began to pull forward away from me. I panicked as I felt its departure. 

"Vegeta?" I said softly. 

"Vegeta wait," I begged as I began trying to follow it with one hand extended forward. 

I twirled around in surprise when I felt strong fingers wrap around my wrist from behind and tug. 

"Vege-" I began, but stopped. 

   Looking down I saw my eight-year-old son staring back up at me. A small smile crept across my face as I looked down at him. He looked so innocent and contrary to the mature adult attitude that he always tried to put forth. His lavender hair was messed from tossing and turning in bed. His white socks looked stretched out and so much longer then his tiny feet. A blue blanket was draped over his shoulders to keep him warm from the cold night air. 

   "Trunks?" I said and then quickly tried to wipe away the remainder of tears in my eyes. For my son I know I need to be strong. The last thing he needs is to be worried about me, especially with the difficult task that he has been given. 

   "Trunks, what are you doing out here?" I ask gently. "You should be in bed. Piccolo said you and Goten would continue training bright and early tomorrow."

   His young eyes blinked as they continued to stare at me. I could see the confusion and sadness in them. I knelt down in front of him and gently traced the palm of my hand down the side of his cheek. He looked anxious and ready to burst. 

"Why Mom?" he asked suddenly. "Why did he do it?" 

   Tears welled up in his blue eyes, but didn't fall. I didn't answer since I could tell that he was far from finished. 

   "If only he had just let me help him," Trunks reasoned. His voice cracked on the last part, but then suddenly his eyes narrowed. I could see the scorching anger within them and listened as he began to speak much more fiercely. It was the pent up anger that he had been walking around with all day ever since he had been told of his father's death. 

   "He's so _stupid_. He just wouldn't listen to me. Its his own fault he's dead! The three of us together could have beaten that dumb Buu. Goten, him, and me…" his lips began to tremble and redness crept across his nose. "We could have beaten him together and then… and then he would still be here."

   I watched as tears now began to glide down his cheeks. I reached forward for him and hugged him tenderly. He startled me by jerking out of my grasp and then shaking his head. 

"He died for nothing, Mom! He gave his life for-"

   I grabbed my son's chin right then, forcing him to look into my eyes. My action stunned him into silence.

   "Don't you _ever_ say that! Not ever!" I said sternly. "Your father did not die for nothing. He gave his life for us and for this world without fear or hesitation. He did what he did because he loves us!"

   Trunks small shoulders sunk down as he thought about my words. Slowly the tension and anger went away leaving only sadness.

   "I know," he says to me somberly. "I just wish that I could have told him how proud of him I was. What if I never see him again?" 

   The same warm fragrant breeze from moments before blew over us at that second causing me to smile faintly. I reached up to wipe away the wet tears on Trunks face, but they had already gone with the breeze. 

   "He knows," I said reassuringly in a soft voice. "And you will see your father again. Where ever he is… he's okay." 

   I'm not sure if it was my words or the caress of the strange celestial wind, but Trunks seemed comforted either way. Tears no longer overflowed uncontrollably from his eyes and his serious face that looked so much like his father's gave me a brief smile. Grabbing his hand, something he rarely lets me do anymore, I began to lead him back to the temporary room he was sharing with Goten. As we walked along I looked back up into the starry night sky. Then bringing up the tips of my fingers, I ran them lightly across my lips as I remembered the ghostly kiss from just minutes earlier. I, too, felt consoled.

 At least for the time being. 

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Song lyrics: _"Kissing You" by Des'ree_

Email: _Tonz82@yahoo.com_


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